Feb. 5th, 2012 02:43 pm
toffeelady76: (Default)
[personal profile] toffeelady76
Been feeling down again. Have felt like my life has no purpose or meaning. Mainly because people I spend time with appear to be taken more seriously than me and the thing is I don't share their interests so I always feel left out. Myself and the husband have had loads of fun and many good times, but seem like my life is progressing at a snails pace. Like all the people I know have already got a house, a family of some kind that loves them and their lives seem pretty happy. I can't be happy with them as I do not relate to their life.

Seems that every time I say something they don't understand it is disregarded and becomes something irrelevant and they go back to their happy world where they are secure knowing their parents love them, they love their kids and have a nice house, while I am still stuck in the same 1 bed flat in London I moved into in 1994.

Been here nearly 20 years now and desperate to move on! Got £9000 now saved towards a deposit, yet seem a million light years from getting my own home. I also resent having to work full time and not seeing the money to rest from my labours and don't have enough time to make my home beautiful because all my time and money is going in the savings.

I love going to football because it takes my mind off all this, but even that isn't regular because all the money is going into savings. I really wish I wasn't so insecure. I know it is possible that I may have SAD and will get a light box this year because every winter is the same. Then again, in summer I have a holiday to look forward to and autumn I get xmas to look forward to.

Things always seem so bleak this time of year. I don't want to go back to councelling again. I tried serotonin uptake with chocolate and swimming but these are very short term solutions.

Short of friends in London cannot talk to anybody either. Seems every time I want to explain, gets twisted out of context. Often get angry to compensate for my insecurity. Again totally misunderstood.
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toffeelady76: (Default)

April 2012


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