Downers

Feb. 5th, 2012 02:43 pm
toffeelady76: (Default)
[personal profile] toffeelady76
Been feeling down again. Have felt like my life has no purpose or meaning. Mainly because people I spend time with appear to be taken more seriously than me and the thing is I don't share their interests so I always feel left out. Myself and the husband have had loads of fun and many good times, but seem like my life is progressing at a snails pace. Like all the people I know have already got a house, a family of some kind that loves them and their lives seem pretty happy. I can't be happy with them as I do not relate to their life.

Seems that every time I say something they don't understand it is disregarded and becomes something irrelevant and they go back to their happy world where they are secure knowing their parents love them, they love their kids and have a nice house, while I am still stuck in the same 1 bed flat in London I moved into in 1994.

Been here nearly 20 years now and desperate to move on! Got £9000 now saved towards a deposit, yet seem a million light years from getting my own home. I also resent having to work full time and not seeing the money to rest from my labours and don't have enough time to make my home beautiful because all my time and money is going in the savings.

I love going to football because it takes my mind off all this, but even that isn't regular because all the money is going into savings. I really wish I wasn't so insecure. I know it is possible that I may have SAD and will get a light box this year because every winter is the same. Then again, in summer I have a holiday to look forward to and autumn I get xmas to look forward to.

Things always seem so bleak this time of year. I don't want to go back to councelling again. I tried serotonin uptake with chocolate and swimming but these are very short term solutions.

Short of friends in London cannot talk to anybody either. Seems every time I want to explain, gets twisted out of context. Often get angry to compensate for my insecurity. Again totally misunderstood.

Date: 2012-02-10 12:20 pm (UTC)
awehla: (Default)
From: [personal profile] awehla
Sorry you've been feeling down and I probably didn't help with my stupid comments. I still think it's hard for people to express themselves properly online because people can't see you and will often read comments in the voices they make up their head. Hope things improve for you soon.

Lisa
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Date: 2012-02-13 12:26 pm (UTC)
awehla: (Default)
From: [personal profile] awehla
I'm sorry for your loss. I hope the funeral goes as well as it can. Will you know a lot of people there? Hopefully you can visit later this year for a nice visit.

Lisa
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Date: 2012-02-13 04:30 pm (UTC)
awehla: (Default)
From: [personal profile] awehla
I don't know my extended family that well, that's why I asked. David didn't recognise hardly anyone at his grandmother's funeral and they all thought he was his younger brother Phil.

Lisa
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Date: 2012-02-16 12:50 pm (UTC)
awehla: (Default)
From: [personal profile] awehla
David's Dad's family are working class but from Scotland and his mum's family are working class from Manchester, think it depends on the family rather than the class!

Lisa
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Date: 2012-02-19 03:07 pm (UTC)
awehla: (Default)
From: [personal profile] awehla
David's two aunties who live in Manchester live a couple of streets away from each other and they are close and their kids are all close and in some ways more like siblings than cousins. David's Mum and Dad keep in regular contact with them but David and his brother don't really have a lot of contact with them.

David and I don't have much in common with his northern relatives but we get on OK when we see them at Christmas etc. I think the family in Scotland are close with each other but they've only just got back in regular contact with David's Dad in the past few years and I don't know them very well.

I think you are right that people seem to have busier lives these days and don't necessarily talk to their family all the time. My Mum stopped keeping in touch with a lot of her extended family when she went back to work full time and is get backing in touch with them now she no longer has kids at home and through the magic of Facebook. Obviously having some family in Australia and even my Dad's family being down in Cornwall makes it harder to keep in touch.

Lisa
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Date: 2012-02-20 12:20 pm (UTC)
awehla: (Default)
From: [personal profile] awehla
You didn't sound prejudiced to me, people can only talk from their own experience really.

Lisa
x

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